How to Bring Up Sex Toys in Your Relationship

Talking about sex toys in a relationship can be uncomfortable, but it’s an important conversation that can lead to greater intimacy, trust, and satisfaction.

Many people hesitate to bring up the topic of sex toys due to fears of being judged or concerns that their partner might feel insecure or inadequate. However, sex toys can be a powerful way to enhance sexual experiences, adding variety, deeper pleasure, and new opportunities for connection. In this article, we’ll explore how to navigate this conversation, what to discuss, what to avoid, and how sex toys offer unique capabilities that can enrich your intimate life.

Why People Hesitate to Bring Up Sex Toys

One of the most common reasons people hesitate to talk about sex toys with their partner is the fear of hurting their partner’s feelings. Some worry that suggesting a toy might make their partner feel like they aren’t satisfying them, which could lead to feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. Men, in particular, may perceive sex toys as a challenge to their masculinity or sexual prowess​. Women may also feel uncertain, fearing that their desire to use a toy could be interpreted as dissatisfaction with the relationship. 

Additionally, societal taboos around sexuality often make people uncomfortable discussing intimate subjects openly. Many people are raised with the belief that sex toys are inappropriate or that they belong only in "spicy" or unconventional relationships. This stigma can make it difficult to broach the subject, even in otherwise healthy and communicative relationships.

How to Start the Conversation

If you’re interested in using sex toys with your partner, it’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and a focus on mutual pleasure. Here are a few steps you can take to make the conversation feel natural and non-threatening:

1. Pick the right time: Timing is everything when it comes to delicate conversations. Rather than bringing up the topic during sex, which could make your partner feel pressured, choose a time when you’re both relaxed and in a positive mood. Perhaps during a casual dinner or while watching a romantic movie, you could bring up the idea in a light, playful way.

2. Frame it as exploration: One of the most effective ways to introduce the idea of sex toys is by framing it as an opportunity to explore something new together. Rather than suggesting that something needs to be fixed or improved, express your desire to enhance your intimate connection. You might say, “I think it could be really fun if we tried something new together. I’ve heard about sex toys being a great way to add excitement, and I thought it could be something we could enjoy as a couple.”

3. Focus on mutual enjoyment: Emphasise that sex toys are not about replacing your partner, but about adding variety to your sexual experiences. Highlight how using a toy can bring additional pleasure to both partners, making the experience even more satisfying. For example, you could say, “I read that using toys can intensify pleasure for both of us and add something extra to our time together. It sounds like something we could really enjoy!”

The Unique Capabilities of Sex Toys

One of the biggest advantages of sex toys is that they can provide sensations and stimulation that people simply can’t replicate. For example, vibrators offer consistent, high-speed stimulation that can be difficult to maintain manually. This can be especially beneficial for clitoral stimulation, which often requires prolonged focus for many women to reach orgasm. A vibrator allows for steady, continuous stimulation, which can lead to faster, more intense climaxes.

Additionally, certain toys are designed to stimulate areas of the body that are harder for partners to reach or focus on during regular intercourse. For example, G-spot vibrators or prostate massagers are specifically crafted to target these sensitive internal areas, providing direct stimulation that can lead to powerful, pleasurable sensations.

Sex toys can also help with stamina, as they don’t tire out like humans do. This can allow couples to enjoy longer, more satisfying sessions without the physical exhaustion that sometimes comes with sex. Moreover, couples can use toys to take turns giving and receiving pleasure, allowing for more balanced sexual experiences where both partners’ needs are fully met.

What Not to Discuss

While it’s important to be open, there are certain things you should avoid saying when discussing sex toys with your partner:

1. Don’t frame it as a critique: Avoid implying that your current sex life is lacking or that your partner isn’t good enough. Statements like “I’m not satisfied, so I want to try something new” can come across as hurtful. Instead, focus on how you want to enhance what you already have, saying something like, “I think this could make our experiences even better.”

2. Don’t compare your partner to toys: Comparing your partner to a toy can lead to insecurity or feelings of inadequacy. For example, saying, “A vibrator can do things you can’t” is likely to make your partner feel like they’re not enough for you. Instead, emphasise how toys can complement what you already enjoy together.

3. Avoid pressure: Introducing sex toys should be a fun, exciting opportunity for both partners. If your partner isn’t comfortable with the idea, it’s important to respect that and not push them into trying something they’re not ready for. Let them know that their comfort is your priority, and leave the conversation open for the future.

The Importance of Open Communication

Sexual communication is vital for a healthy relationship, and discussing sex toys can be a great way to practice open dialogue. Make sure to listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings, and reassure them that their pleasure and comfort are just as important as your own. Creating a safe space where both of you can express your desires without judgment will deepen your connection and make conversations about sex feel more natural over time.

Be mindful of your partner’s boundaries, and if they express discomfort or hesitation, take it seriously. You can always revisit the topic later once your partner feels more comfortable. Remember, introducing sex toys should be about enhancing mutual enjoyment, not about pressuring one another into something uncomfortable.

Introducing the idea of using sex toys in a relationship doesn’t have to be intimidating. By approaching the conversation thoughtfully, focusing on shared pleasure, and being open to your partner’s feelings, you can create a deeper, more fulfilling connection. Sex toys offer unique sensations that can’t always be achieved through manual touch, adding variety and excitement to your sexual experiences. As long as you communicate openly and respect each other’s boundaries, this conversation can bring new dimensions of intimacy to your relationship.

Once you’ve decided to introduce sex toys into your relationship, you might be wondering where to start. Our article "How to Choose Your First Sex Toy" is the perfect next step. It offers guidance on selecting a toy that aligns with your preferences and needs, ensuring that your new addition to your intimate life is both enjoyable and satisfying. Check it out to explore options and find the right fit for you and your partner’s shared journey of exploration and pleasure.